Walking the Edge of Reality

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Walking the Edge of Reality

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Mass Effect and Our Future
Monday, August 24, 2009 5:04 PM

I've recently discovered Mass Effect, and it's a fantastic game. In my mind, BioWare could do no wrong, so I look forward to their upcoming projects.

But, regardless of that, Mass Effect provides a very startling glimpse at the potential future of humanity:

1) In the future, females of every alien species will be required to wear skintight latex. Even during combat.

2) If you see three people run by you with four weapons strapped to each of their backs, don't be alarmed. They're just going to go tell some guy to stop stalking the resident mystic.

3) Elevators have a security feature that will prevent them from functioning unless you holster your weapon. You could be in a building with thousands of enemies crawling around; put away the assault rifle or you're not going anywhere.

4) "Oxi-gel" is the 22nd century equivalent of duct tape. It can fix artillery holes and fire damage on a tank. You can even use it to repair tires... without exiting the vehicle.

5) You can walk in to a nightclub and fire a thousand rounds of ammunition at the walls; nobody seems to notice. In fact, the music won't even stop. Don't worry, you won't actually hit anyone, so it's OK.

6) 22nd century armored transports are the technological equivalent of a house cat: no matter how bad a driver you are, or if you hit an embankment that will send your car flying forty feet in to the air while doing three somersaults, you'll always land wheels down without any damage.

7) Bathrooms are not required on a military cruiser, even if the cruiser never even lands anywhere for months on end. A kitchen isn't needed either, even though you do have a dining room.

8) You can take six RPG rounds in the chest and still remain standing, but a single pistol round during a dramatic conversation will kill you instantly.

9) If you die within sight of your commanding officer, don't worry; he can resurrect you. Even if he's actively firing an assault rifle on the run.

10) In the future, the Moon will have the same amount of gravity as Earth.

11) Every major computer system's reboot sequence will require that the operator know how to solve "Towers of Hanoi".

12) The enemies have rocket launchers that fire projectiles the size of small cars. The good guys don't have such a luxury; with four other weapons strapped to your back, there's simply no room.

13) Mining on a planet surface does not involve actual mining tools. It does involve a complex electronic puzzle with repeated trial and error, and can be done by someone with no training in geology whatsoever. Also, even though you've known about the planet for decades and there are three million people living on it, a military survey team will still chance across an undiscovered gold mine of resources the moment they arrive.

Should be fun!

Posted by David "Nighthawk" Flor on Monday, August 24, 2009 5:04 PM

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David "Nighthawk" Flor

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